Last night I stumbled upon this nugget. I read over it and had to go back and read it again, it is a lot. But the first word got my attention immediately, because lately, it seems I cannot get past feeling disappointed in people. I find myself bogged down in this heavy chronic weight of people who seem to never live up to my expectations. Hey….I am not talking about casual relationships, I am speaking of business relationships, and ones that our company depends upon to function. But, still, my own sense of inner peace is getting ripped to shreds. So, here goes, this says disappointment is tied to me, because I familiar with it, I go to that space as a default. Ok…makes sense. I know I get triggered, and I do throw up my hands and then on to disappointment. Yep, yep, yep.
So as this article suggest, what if disappointment and suffering were not options? What do I do?
- “Familiar suffering and disappointment are like emergency brakes. The reward is that, when you put the brake on, you don”t have to deal with the challenge of the new, of uncertainty”
- “Instead, go to “yes, AND…” Honor what is present and add to it. Roll with it. Saying “yes, and…” will steer you away from familiar suffering. Explore what else is there; explore what is new.”
Today I tried doing this, it is baby steps, just as this article notes, but I got some immediate positive results.
Instead of bogging down in disappointment and frustration, I acted upon the situation. And, incredibly, things shifted for the better. In a way, I am still trying to figure out what I did to make this happen. I mean, it isn’t really a 1 + 1 = 2 kind of thing. I just know, I realized FINALLY THAT I have choices in these matters and not all of them require me running away. Used to be that was solution, things are not going well,…….leave.
Eloheim: Disappointment is tied to your unique familiar suffering. You get triggered, throw up your hands, and then go to disappointment. But what if familiar suffering and disappointment weren’t options anymore? What do you do with the urge to go there? You can go to your truth. You go to short factual, statements. You take small steps towards what you want. Step-by-step is very important in these changing dynamics, as your physical body changes, and as time changes. It is how you will navigate. Ask: “what is the smallest step I can take to move out of the desire for familiar suffering?” And enjoy each step.
Be aware of your unique familiar suffering. Find your big, bad bogyman. For example, “I’m not enough” or “I’ll go to anger first.” Be aware of the specifics – don”t lump it all in one container. (You can use the notebook tool) Familiar suffering and disappointment are like emergency brakes. The reward is that, when you put the brake on, you don”t have to deal with the challenge of the new, of uncertainty. You all engage your brains in ways that park you. If you have insight, you say “yes, but…” as if what you”re getting isn’t good enough, or just because you”re thinking too much. Disappointment won”t disappear entirely, but what neighborhood are you hanging out in? Are you parked in the neighborhood of familiar suffering? Would you wish your child or pets to be stuck there? Would anyone want to join you there?
Instead, go to “yes, AND…” Honor what is present and add to it. Roll with it. Saying “yes, and…” will steer you away from familiar suffering. Explore what else is there; explore what is new. Stay away from stories and just be willing to be open and vulnerable. Allow revelation. And then be comfortable with the fact that you can”t prove, document, or reproduce the validity of what you experience.
This isn’t about “going with the flow” which is about wandering aimlessly. “Rolling with it” is about taking acting with awareness, intention and boundaries. But be aware that free will is changing for you. It is no longer important for you to assert things. Instead it’s about being real with what is true in the moment and allowing IT to inform you. It”s dropping past opinions and allowing the current version of you relate to the moment: “What do you have to show me about me? Tell me about me.” Be comfortable with uncertainty, see with new eyes, and allow the moment to open in front of you. Break the mold of familiar suffering by knowledge (what is true now), fascination, and taking that smallest step.