The Egg and I

The Egg and I,

or maybe it is turkey today?

It is Thanksgiving morning, 9:51 AM to be exact, and I am sitting at my desk, lounging in this luxurious easy chair typing a few words of wisdom that I just read from Annie Dillard’s book Teaching A Stone To Talk. I use this book today to pole-vault me to a higher plane and write my annual Thanksgiving note.  I usually can take her book and open it randomly and find just the passage I need to inspire me and it worked again today. On page 99, the chapter titled The Eclipse she says;

“The dear, stupid body is as easily satisfied as a spaniel. And, incredibly, the simple spaniel can lure the brawling mind to it’s dish. It is everlastingly funny that the proud, metaphysically ambitious mind will hush if you give it an egg.

Further while the mind reels in deep space, while the mind grieves or fears or exults, the workday senses in ignorance or idiocy, like so many computer terminals printing out market prices while the world blows up, still transcribe their little data and transmit them to warehouse in the skull. Later under the tranquilizing of fried eggs, the mind can sort through this data.”

Enter the Thanksgiving meal.

Today is a day for millions of people all across the land to join family, friends and even strangers to go under “the tranquilizing effect of turkey, dressing and pumpkin pie. Most will bring to the table tales of their lives, the state of world and reeling minds of “grief or fear or exults”. Some of us will be alone today, and these few people will either allow their ambitious mind to be calm and be part of the metaphysical collective experience or some may not, I choose to join the former.

Even my aloneness, which is not uncommon for me today, is not uncomfortable. It is the old saying, alone but not lonely. I have my dear Apple with me, I have good food cooking and I have my deep sense of spiritual connection to a powerful inner/outer life which sustains me through all personal and worldly illusions of the mind.

I woke up late this morning, I came out of one of those deep sleeps, which in a perfect world I would need at least 10 minutes to even get my head off the pillow. But, Apple has needs; food, an immediate walk and exercise, so I have more than my own comfort zone to concern myself with and she is a responsibility I don’t take lightly. I am grateful for that. I am grateful to have this little gem of a Shar Pei as my companion, I have had a companion dog with me for many years, when I was young they [my pets] were little more than a charm on a bracelet, they were with me, I could feel them dangling on my wrist when I chose to wear them, but I was not actually committed to the full range of responsibilities that came with them. I mention this, even though, not proudly, nor to enter into morbid reflection, but to raise awareness of the fact that today is different, I have a higher sense of responsibility, and take the job, pleasant as it is, seriously. I have grown in many ways and this is one of them.

I am grateful for this wonderful job I have, I have such a perfect life, when I tell friends about my job, I am always sharing enthusiastically the life I have been given. I spent years out in the world trying to find this feeling I have today, this joyful contentment, and it was never more than fleeting glimpses of what I have today. I have a glow of joy which is with me like a halo. Things come into my life, they cause me concern, doubt, even fear, but the light that burns inside me is always flickering, steadfast and warm, which is a constant security that all is well with me.

I Always Knew This

I spent a good number of years wrapped in a cocoon of drama, fear, insecurity and pain, it was not a vision for you life at all. I tried like heck to break out of that cocoon. I used alcohol to dull my senses, I reached out to men to complete me and guide me,  I tried geographic therapy in order to heal my wounds, none of these so called “fixes” worked. But even in the darkest moments of my journey, I had this inner awareness that my life would be okay. I wasn’t sure how or what it was that would heal me or bring my frazzled world into shape, but I just knew deep inside it would. The lowest time in my life was in my early 50’s, suddenly the walls of Jericho came tumbling down, I almost died physically and spiritually I did. I was dead inside, my eyes were those of a dead person. Out of true desperation, I gathered myself together, threw my pride to the wind and humbly walked into AA. It was Feb 28, 2003 in Eureka Springs, AR. I sat in those rooms for months, listening, sharing, opening my mind and allowing a healing, which came from a loving collective of like minds.  I learned how a loving God could exist, without being told who or what that loving Power actually was; I was allowed to choose my own conception of a “Power Greater” than me. It (the experience) breathed new life into me, it was my saving grace and I am still today, as I will always be, forever grateful for that period in my life, even the horrible time that lead me there, for it is through all that pain, misery and fear that I am given the fine gift of my perfect life today.

I guess in closing, I just want to add, the community of collective minds today, gathering together in tranquility of gratitude and food is a good thing. It opens us up to the power of the massive numbers of likeness, joined together we can make things better in this world. Praying collectively in gratitude for our beautiful world we have been honored to inhabit. May we all today take time to bring that collective awareness to the forefront of our thoughts, may we pray for justice across the world.

I cannot close this without saying thank you to all the OWS protestors who have put their bodies on the front line of defense of our freedom and our safety, may they be safe from harm and goodwill to all of them. I am deeply humbled to know I have fellow Americans who are standing up against the crushing forces of the Corporate Brutality which has managed to darken our world. I have faith in this country, I have faith in our citizens and I have faith that justice will prevail. I am grateful to be alive and experience this courage of those who are better and more courageous than me. Thank you!

I pray and give thanks!

Now on to the Egg and I…..

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