Sometimes I just want to feel bad….(me thinks?)

I just sat down to blog, and I realized that, just as I stated in the subject line, sometimes I just want to feel bad. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t think that I purposely conjure up events in my life to fulfill that goal. Not anything like that at all. It is just that when I do get to feeling glum, down, depressed, sad, cranky, and more, I don’t use the tools of which I have plenty, to get me out of that place.  I stay there, brooding, “licking my wounds” so to speak, and nothing changes.


I have been in that space for a while, and the last few days I have been wanting to break out of my prison. I know that I am fully responsible for my imprisoned state of mind. Sure the events which brought me to this state of discomfort, they may continue to linger for a while, and even some of these things which I don’t like, may not get any better, or more, even worse. For example the recent bailout of Wallstreet. I spend days on end here at my computer, interacting with other “like minds” on ways to stop the Congress/Government/Corporate Rulers, from taking our liberties away. All my  energy, all my creative thinking, all my spiritual development on the back burner, while I sunk lower and lower into the abyss of reality. That reality is this: we have not the country that was once the land of the free and the brave. Our current government and leaders are owned and run by a new system and it controlled by the Corporation. The Corporation is not a person, and thus has no soul. It is here to survive just as we are here to survive. It creates it’s own presence out of profits. Blah, blah, blah……

If you want to study that stuff, go somewhere else. I did not intend on lecturing/ranting, on our government or the death of our nation. But if you are still reading this? (doubtful) I want to talk about how to return to inner self.

Nothing that I can do will change the outcome of the Corporate structure/rulers we live under. I want to make this better, I want to improve the world, but here is another idea that came to me:

From my daily email Abraham/

Because others cannot vibrate in your experience, they cannot affect the outcome of your experience. They can hold their opinions, but unless their opinion affects your opinion, their opinion matters not at all. A million people could be pushing against you and it would not negatively affect you unless you push back. That million people pushing against you are affecting their millions of vibrations. They are affecting what happens in their experience. They are affecting their point of attraction, but it does not affect you unless you push against them.

Excerpted from a workshop in Orlando, FL on Saturday, February 21st, 1998


It is the “path” stupid.

The path is the object in our life. Not the outcome. I know that, I knew that, but when I get into my own head, some of the old thinking that got me into a place of real dysfunctionalism, can raise it’s ugly head and revisit me.

I have to let go & let God, take care of EVERYTHING!  There is truly no peace without that understanding. (for me)

We were called here to create, that is the essence of our living here on planet earth.

Sorting out politics and many of the other social, environmental ills of the world is not my calling. I can see the world and all its defects, doom and gloom can stand out like a giant in the clearing, crying and moaning. But [me] [i] this separate little one, can do nothing to solve world problems. I have given up. Also, I need to be a “part of”, separation does not work.

I don’t want to feel bad anymore. I want to accept things as they are, and move on into the deeper self. If this country [usa] was to change in magnified ways, (say we became like Cuba?) shut off from the world and it happened tomorrow?  How to deal with that? Do you know that some of the finest, artist, writers, creators have developed in Cuba over the last 50 years? I think about that. They did not sit and moan and groan over their state, they moved on. Writing, making music, living life.

Kira Busch, I an graced to have her “practicing” in the formal living room across from my room.


Yesteday I ran across something that was interesting to me:

The Venus Project

The Venus Project presents a bold, new direction for humanity that entails nothing less than the total redesign of our culture. There are many people today who are concerned with the serious problems that face our modern society: unemployment, violent crime, replacement of humans by technology, over-population and a decline in the Earth’s ecosystems. As you will see, The Venus Project is dedicated to confronting all of these problems by actively engaging in the research, development, and application of workable solutions. Through the use of innovative approaches to social awareness, educational incentives, and the consistent application of the best that science and technology can offer directly to the social system, The Venus Project offers a comprehensive plan for social reclamation in which human beings, technology, and nature will be able to coexist in a long-term, sustainable state of dynamic equilibrium.


I haven’t been able to find out how to live there (yet), but it looks right up my ally.

Here in Charlottesville, believe it or not, I took this standing at the city jail parking lot and the jail looks out over this. Nice view for the prisoners.

I also watched a movie yesterday called” Zeitgeist:Addendum” (which means “the spirit of the times)

That movie actually gave me the imputus dig into my soul, to begin that inner journey back into myself.

I recommend this movie, it has a very political slant in the beginning, but our lives here in USofA, is about politics. Not involving yourself in politics does no more remove you from the results than ignoring you have cancer of the liver. You will be affected, no matter how little you may care.

Anyway…… there I go again. I may need to go some cult removal program,  to get this out of my head. arrgggg. (grin)

The Journey (inward/outward)

John O’Donohue Irish Poet said

When your soul awakens, you begin to truly inherit your life. You leave the kingdom of fake surfaces, repetitive talk and weary roles and slip deeper into the true adventure of who you are and who you are called to become. The greatest friend of the soul is the unknown.”

I do have an awakened soul, I do know what he speaks, I do crave to be inside of my self, and removed from the pain of the days events.

I do want to walk toward the unknown, safety lies there…..

Part of an Interview I listened to this morning of the late John O’Donnell, he died in his sleep at age 53 Jan. 03, 2008

Ms. Tippett: But if we think, as you’ve suggested, as beauty as relevant to some of the most troubling problems in our world and in ourselves, you know, how do we pursue that calling, given the limitations, given that a lot of what is around us is not visibly, objectively beautiful and may not be?

Mr. O’Donohue: Absolutely, and that’s a very fair question. And you know it’s like in old notions of growth and development there was always this idea, as Noel Hanlon, a poet friend of mine says, you know, in a poem about her daughter, “Like me you needed something to push against” — that somehow we needed something to push against in order to grow. Now there is almost a feeling like as that growth should be delivered to us. And I think that from the way you state it is that it’s a recognition. That there is this dialectic there, that around us the forces are not kind in terms of either recognizing, awakening, or encouraging beauty, but that actually, they should be the impetus and spark to do it. Now how do we do it?

One way, and I think this is a really lovely way, and I think it’s an interesting question to ask one self too, you know? And the question is when is the last time that you had a great conversation, a conversation which wasn’t just two intersecting monologues, which is what passes for conversation a lot in this culture. But when had you last a great conversation, in which you over heard yourself saying things that you never knew you knew. That you heard yourself receiving from somebody words that absolutely found places within you that you thought you had lost and a sense of an event of a conversation that brought the two of you on to a different plane. And then fourthly, a conversation that continued to sing in your mind for weeks afterwards, you know? And I’ve — I’ve had some of them recently, and it’s just absolutely amazing, like, as we would say at home, they are food and drink for the soul, you know?

Second thing, I think a question to all, is ask oneself, who are you reading? Who are you reading? And where are you stretching your own boundaries? Are you repetitive in that? And you know, one of the first books I read as a child — we had no books at home, but a neighbor of ours had all these books and he brought loads of books, that’s how I ruined my eyes and I have to wear glasses. But one of the first books I read was a book by Willie Sutton, the bank robber, who was doing 30 years for robbing banks. And in the book somebody asked Willie, and they said, ‘Willie why do you rob banks?’ And Willie said, ”Cause that’s where the money is.’ And you know, why do we read books, ’cause that’s where the wisdom is. So like, professors in colleges always use to say, you know’ if you were doing an essay or doing a thesis, you know, the first thing you have to do is read the primary sources and trust your own encounter with them before you go to the secondary literature. And I’d say to anyone who is listening to us, who is interested in spirituality and who is maybe being coaxed a little away from believing it’s all a naïve, doomed, illusion-ridden thing, pick up some thing like Meister Eckhart or some one of the mystics and just have a look at it, and you can be surprised what an exiting adventure and homecoming it could become.

the full interview can be found

This above interview has certainly reached inside of me and inspired me…..

I later today was looking at a few photos which belong to my brother Fr R.R. Hays, I found this of him holding Mass.

Have a peaceful and meaningful week….

in and of love, jimmieanna


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