“I noticed this process of waking, and predicted with terrifying logic that one of these years not far away I would be awake continuously and never slip back, and never be free of myself again.” Annie Dillard
Each day, I read from her (Annie Dillard) and I learn from her. My lesson today is simple; I read what she writes and discover, that it is what I feel also. I learn that famous writers, (she is famous for writing one of, 100 most spiritual books of the 20th century) whom I admire, also make enough sense to me, that I would like to sit and talk with her.
It gives me great hope that I too one day, can see the world with such clarity. I get hints of this vision and I also get hints of being fully awakened. Another quote of hers says:
“I woke at intervals until . . . the intervals of waking tipped the scales, and I was more often awake than not.”
Some days I feel more awake than others. Some days I get lost in the maze of emotions, I feel sorry for me (less often than say 10 years ago), that is a miracle, but still I get lost in my own pity party some days. But not as often as I used to.
I have been waking up; that slumber of dullness has gradually gone away. I am hoping that I will some day feel the tipping of the scales, and be more awake than not.
Yesterday was one of those days where it took a little kick start to wake me up. I was able to move my ego aside, and I got out of me, and I did something for someone else. That was a miracle.
Life can get to be a pretty tedious event, almost feels like a maze, at times. I like to read writers such as Annie Dillard, for she inspires me to look beyond myself. Her views of nature, the life of insects, rodents, weeds, and other such inhabitants on our planet have never been that interesting to me. She sees this world with a vision that is amazing. When she describes the intricacies of the life of a barnical larve, or a lacewig who eats her eggs, things such as this are not in my daily realm, but when I think about these things, I realize what a complex world beneath the world we inhabit. If I allow her views of the world to enter into my limited view, I can appreciate life so much more, even I though I have such a limited understanding. Waking up is not just about seeing politics, or famiy issues, or how much gas prices are today, or even if it rained last night. Life is much more that any of this stuff we humans seems to gravitate toward. Life is a joyful freedom, something to honor, to cherish.
Freedom is what is happening in nature. Freedom is bolding taking itself out of the calculated knowledge.
“For they [scientist] have perfected their instruments and methods just enough to whisk away the crucial veil, and what stand revealed is the Cheshire cat’s grin“
that makes me grin!
Over and over, bouncing and skipping along, digging for truth, it becomes ever more apparent, that for me to think is to miss the point. Life is life is life…..