I would like to begin by saying this was a rather Alice in Wonderland adventure, and that said, the photo above is expressing that too. This is a photo of one of the trains leaving Union Station, one I took when I too was LEAVING DC, not beginning my trip. So what is forward is backward. At any rate, since I did not take a photo of the actual train I rode into DC, this is one leaving.

I began my adventure in Charlottesville on my 61st birthday and certainly had reached a point of time in my life to get on that train, a long held dream of mine was to ride the Amtrak. It did not disappoint. Train arrived on time, I got a nice comfy seat all to myself, and settled in to an early morning ride to Washington DC. That my friends was my birthday gift to me, and I cannot believe I did not blog about this before now (Dec 10th, 2011)

Fall Colors Splashed Across My Window

As the train floated along through the dale, it was a striking view out my window, I was taken in by the wonderful palate of colors that boldly enhanced my morning ride, unfortunately, unless the train was moving slow, it was hard to get a clear photo, so I wasn’t able to record much of that scenery, but my eyes were filled with wonder.

Trains, Planes and Automobiles….

The closer I got to DC, the train would take more stops and I was able to shoot a few interesting shots out my window. This plane landing across the water was fun to watch.

Suddenly I see the Capitol in view, and I wasn’t expecting to see it from my window at all. The photo would have been better had I known what lies ahead, but that is the fun of a first time adventure, letting go of the oars and going with the flow. However, the photo is not great, I had a earlier better view, but my camera was in my lap, not my hand. Trains don’t wait.

The Union Train Station was an incredible jolt, I had no idea it was going to be so big, so crowded, so full of people moving so fast. I had just left a not so sleepy little town of Charlottesville, VA and our train station is about the size of a pop stand. Of course I knew Union Station was going to more than that, I have been to St Louis and Kansas City train stations, both were fun, lively and pretty big. St Louis has been the stopping place for me in years past, as I even stayed in the adjoining hotel, which was very lovely. All that said, I may have just forgotten, but I was not prepared to take on Union Station in DC. What a shock….

Lunchtime and the Food Court (photo was taken about 4pm)

Upon arrival, I decided to make my way into the food court and see what they had to offer food wise, I must say it was brimming with people, elbow to elbow, and I was much too intimidated to be snapping photos at that time, I was just trying to figure out the layout and decided on someplace to eat. I had not planned any of this ahead of time and never thought I would want to eat my birthday lunch in a food court, but I got caught up in the moment and was dazzled by the vast array of choices. So I took a stroll down through this space, as shown in photo above, (which was no where near the crowd I encountered at lunchtime) and found a nice Indian place called Aditi Indian Kitchen it really was surprisingly good, and considering I was stumbling along in the hustle bustle of the Food Court at Union Station, one would understand that I was fortunate to find this one at all. Next time I will go a little deeper into the rabbit hole of food choices and get a real taste of nice dining that is also offered (which I located later of course).

Architecture and the Train Station

The visit to Union Station in St Louis is fun, it too has lots of things to keep you busy, and the train station in Kansas City is also a worthwhile stop, even if you are not traveling by train, but the DC Union Station is by far one of the most majestic in terms of architectural designs that I have seen (so far). I love the feeling you get from this place and I am certain this could be a day trip by itself.

I spend a good amount of my time walking about taking photos and the possibilities are endless.  There are three floors and all of them stocked full of beautiful shops with gorgeous array of gifts, clothing, jewelry, and just about anything one would want or need.

Each level of the Union Station offers incredible host of high end shops and I haven’t even gotten to the main interior of the station.

Of course there are several places to get a little pampering done, just out in the open get your eyebrows trimmed…

Here is an interesting cafe, maybe I will go there next time….

More great places to see? In DC? Of course, and I did leave the station for a while, but it was raining that day and I was planning on walking from the art museum to other part of Smithsonian but weather did not agree, so spend a lot more time around the Union Station than previously planned. It was fine, so much to see just going there.

If you want to go to DC by train, and if you like to shop (I don’t) then you can spend hours here and lower your checking account balance at the same time.

DC in a day, impossible….

Outside the Union Station

I have many more pictures and they are of the http://hirshhorn.si.edu/ which is still showing Andy Warhol’s collection Shadows up until Jan 15th 2012. It was an amazing show, and I am so glad I went. I have much more to share, but I am closing shop for the day, I have other things to do, and uploading pictures is slow, slow, slow.

Thanks for viewing!

have fun

The Egg and I,

or maybe it is turkey today?

It is Thanksgiving morning, 9:51 AM to be exact, and I am sitting at my desk, lounging in this luxurious easy chair typing a few words of wisdom that I just read from Annie Dillard’s book Teaching A Stone To Talk. I use this book today to pole-vault me to a higher plane and write my annual Thanksgiving note.  I usually can take her book and open it randomly and find just the passage I need to inspire me and it worked again today. On page 99, the chapter titled The Eclipse she says;

“The dear, stupid body is as easily satisfied as a spaniel. And, incredibly, the simple spaniel can lure the brawling mind to it’s dish. It is everlastingly funny that the proud, metaphysically ambitious mind will hush if you give it an egg.

Further while the mind reels in deep space, while the mind grieves or fears or exults, the workday senses in ignorance or idiocy, like so many computer terminals printing out market prices while the world blows up, still transcribe their little data and transmit them to warehouse in the skull. Later under the tranquilizing of fried eggs, the mind can sort through this data.”

Enter the Thanksgiving meal.

Today is a day for millions of people all across the land to join family, friends and even strangers to go under “the tranquilizing effect of turkey, dressing and pumpkin pie. Most will bring to the table tales of their lives, the state of world and reeling minds of “grief or fear or exults”. Some of us will be alone today, and these few people will either allow their ambitious mind to be calm and be part of the metaphysical collective experience or some may not, I choose to join the former.

Even my aloneness, which is not uncommon for me today, is not uncomfortable. It is the old saying, alone but not lonely. I have my dear Apple with me, I have good food cooking and I have my deep sense of spiritual connection to a powerful inner/outer life which sustains me through all personal and worldly illusions of the mind.

I woke up late this morning, I came out of one of those deep sleeps, which in a perfect world I would need at least 10 minutes to even get my head off the pillow. But, Apple has needs; food, an immediate walk and exercise, so I have more than my own comfort zone to concern myself with and she is a responsibility I don’t take lightly. I am grateful for that. I am grateful to have this little gem of a Shar Pei as my companion, I have had a companion dog with me for many years, when I was young they [my pets] were little more than a charm on a bracelet, they were with me, I could feel them dangling on my wrist when I chose to wear them, but I was not actually committed to the full range of responsibilities that came with them. I mention this, even though, not proudly, nor to enter into morbid reflection, but to raise awareness of the fact that today is different, I have a higher sense of responsibility, and take the job, pleasant as it is, seriously. I have grown in many ways and this is one of them.

I am grateful for this wonderful job I have, I have such a perfect life, when I tell friends about my job, I am always sharing enthusiastically the life I have been given. I spent years out in the world trying to find this feeling I have today, this joyful contentment, and it was never more than fleeting glimpses of what I have today. I have a glow of joy which is with me like a halo. Things come into my life, they cause me concern, doubt, even fear, but the light that burns inside me is always flickering, steadfast and warm, which is a constant security that all is well with me.

I Always Knew This

I spent a good number of years wrapped in a cocoon of drama, fear, insecurity and pain, it was not a vision for you life at all. I tried like heck to break out of that cocoon. I used alcohol to dull my senses, I reached out to men to complete me and guide me,  I tried geographic therapy in order to heal my wounds, none of these so called “fixes” worked. But even in the darkest moments of my journey, I had this inner awareness that my life would be okay. I wasn’t sure how or what it was that would heal me or bring my frazzled world into shape, but I just knew deep inside it would. The lowest time in my life was in my early 50′s, suddenly the walls of Jericho came tumbling down, I almost died physically and spiritually I did. I was dead inside, my eyes were those of a dead person. Out of true desperation, I gathered myself together, threw my pride to the wind and humbly walked into AA. It was Feb 28, 2003 in Eureka Springs, AR. I sat in those rooms for months, listening, sharing, opening my mind and allowing a healing, which came from a loving collective of like minds.  I learned how a loving God could exist, without being told who or what that loving Power actually was; I was allowed to choose my own conception of a “Power Greater” than me. It (the experience) breathed new life into me, it was my saving grace and I am still today, as I will always be, forever grateful for that period in my life, even the horrible time that lead me there, for it is through all that pain, misery and fear that I am given the fine gift of my perfect life today.

I guess in closing, I just want to add, the community of collective minds today, gathering together in tranquility of gratitude and food is a good thing. It opens us up to the power of the massive numbers of likeness, joined together we can make things better in this world. Praying collectively in gratitude for our beautiful world we have been honored to inhabit. May we all today take time to bring that collective awareness to the forefront of our thoughts, may we pray for justice across the world.

I cannot close this without saying thank you to all the OWS protestors who have put their bodies on the front line of defense of our freedom and our safety, may they be safe from harm and goodwill to all of them. I am deeply humbled to know I have fellow Americans who are standing up against the crushing forces of the Corporate Brutality which has managed to darken our world. I have faith in this country, I have faith in our citizens and I have faith that justice will prevail. I am grateful to be alive and experience this courage of those who are better and more courageous than me. Thank you!

I pray and give thanks!

Now on to the Egg and I…..

In this presentation at USPRA’s 34th Annual Conference, Dr. Fred Frese, himself a person with schizophrenia who was once put away as “insane”, describes some of what he sees as behavioral, linguistic, and attitudinal attributes, including those of mental health professionals, that continue to be barriers to recovery and integration for the members of this traditionally ostracized population.

I ran across his speech online about 6 months ago, it was added here on youtube in 2009, so that would be almost 3 years ago. Not exactly headline news of course, but I wanted to keep his talk, as I feel (he says this as well) people like him do exist and more likely in greater numbers than we can imagine. The social stigma placed upon schizophrenia is enough to shy away from mental health intervention. But, even he states, that after he became aware of his condition and learned to cope with it (which he admits did include prescribed meds) that his life has been managable, and of course as stated, he has fully employed for most of his working life.

I want to put this video where I can easily find it, sometimes I lose important saved bookmarks, using this and one other source to “save this” will keep me from having to spend a bunch of time trying to remember who he was, and more, I enjoy listening to his talk. I want to keep it handy. I have personal reasons which I don’t want to elaborate on here.

There are 5 parts on youtube of his talk at this conference, there are other venues in which he has spoken as well, not to mention the resources he shares of many other successful people in our communities who share his same mental health diagnoses of paranoid/schizophrenia.

thanks!

Alex Buderer is a wood sculptor – at least that is what he would like to be called. However, when you meet and get to know Alex, his artwork and his life are ingrained together as much as the strata in a piece of beautiful hardword, making it equally hard to define Alex or even to separate one from the other. Walking about the compound where Alex creates his work is equally daunting because Alex has been making varieties of wood sculpture for years. Getting the tour will literally blow you away.

Alex is a strong burly type of man, much like someone you would expect to see rummaging through wood piles to gather pieces of wood to craft his art. But sitting and talking with Alex, you get to see someone very different. As one listens to him speak about his work it becomes a fascinating mix of spiritual musing and technical descriptions. Blend all of this together and you begin to understand how his passion for life mixes with his love for wood to create such beauty and art.

I went to visit Alex recently and sat down in the workshop where Alex is working on his most recent passion: making crosses, small wooden crosses made out nearly 30 different species of wood that he has collected from a plethora of sites. I told Alex that I would like to interview him about how he got started making crosses. Before we begin Alex reaches over and picks up a small wooden cross and hands it to me, on it he has written “Let go and let God.” I suspect that the message is as much for him as it is for me.
Jimmie: Alex how did you get started making crosses?

Alex: Well, the first cross that I ever made was in 1962 for my Grandmother. I made a 8′ cross for her grave. Later in 1981, my dog got hit by a car, and I made a cross to put on his grave. It is still there in my friend’s backyard in New York. Later that same year, my Mother passed away and I made a cross and put it on her grave and it is still there. It has her name engraved in it. The one for my Grandmother, well it is gone.
Jimmie: So what else were you doing at that time?

Alex: I have been working with wood in some capacity all my adult life.

Jimmie: It seems you continue to gravitate back to the crosses, what made you decide to primarily focus your effort in that way now?

Alex: You are right, I am focusing almost all my energy in making crosses. I can’t say exactly where this is coming from, but I am making a lot of crosses these days, and I truthfully I enjoy every minute that I work on them. I come here at night and work for hours, just making crosses. I seem to be getting some sort of inner message that this is the right thing to be doing.

Jimmie: What got you started this time . . . after all these years and you have obviously done lots of, might I say, more impressive pieces.

Alex: You’re right, I have definitely done what I like to call “ego pieces”. I can’t say exactly, but I will try to explain how I think this got started. It began in 2005. A very good friend of mine suddenly died after he and I had just spent some time together the evening before. You know, it was one of those sudden deaths that catches everyone by surprise. Well, I made a “mourning cross” for his widow, who is also a good friend. The process of making a “mourning cross” for someone, to symbolize the experience of death, got to be quite a challenge. Actually, I ended up collaborating with another artist from Eureka Springs, looking for the right color, textures and just making sure that the cross would be appropriate. After I finally got one made that I felt comfortable with, I gave several other members of his family one as well. That got me started thinking about my own mortality and that is what I believe got me focused on making crosses.

There are other factors involved in Alex’s decision to pursue the crosses. He called a “spiritual advisor” that he has known for many years – a Catholic Nun – who told Alex if he “feels confident and is not hurting himself financially, then it may be his Mission”. He also consulted his local Catholic priest who told Alex “What’s the problem, there are worse things you could be doing.”

Big vs. Small, David & Goliath

I keep going back to the big pieces, the ones that capture your eye when you walk into a room. Alex has created many pieces that certainly do that. In 2003, Alex was accepted to show his work in the prestigious Western Design Conference in Cody, WY. Talk about “big “! This is where the top builders in the country show their work. “I never dreamed I would be accepted.” Yet Alex was accepted and, not only that, named one of the top five builders in the country. John Gallis told Alex, “[You] should sell [your] piece for $10,000.” “I had it priced at $5000.00.” It easily sold. Alex looks around the shop and says without hesitation, “I have $10,000.00 worth of furniture sitting here ready to go.”

“There have been very special people in my life that I have given my crosses to, and later found out that these gifts became very special “tokens.” One woman called him just after her husband died and asked Alex if she should place the cross that Alex had made for him in the casket or keep it because it bore such deep meaning to her husband. Alex clearly was moved by this. She decided to keep it.

Alex then showed me some of the wood that he is presently using to make crosses. He pulled out an 8″ wooden leg from a table and he points out to the grain running in the wood. He explains to me how he is making very small crosses from this piece of broken furniture. There are specialty woods that he occasionally buys for crosses, such as Tree of Life wood (lignum vitae), but Alex says he would prefer using the “special” wood someone held in their hands and turn that into a cross . . . or giving a blind friend one of his crosses so that he can feel the textures and smell the aroma of a piece of redwood simply by lightly sanding or rubbing it.

Alex explains that he gets great pleasure in taking things that are discarded and finding the beauty inside. Alex has a genuine fascination with recycling, whether it is wood or some old piece of metal that he can use in sculpture. He tells me that some people look at his property and wonder why he doesn’t clean it up. He looks around and sees “treasure”. It is during this conversation that Alex quotes a famous poem: What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies with in us.” Ralph Waldo Emerson. “The only poem I know in my life,” Alex tells me.

You can truly sense the divine connection when Alex describes taking the rotted wood or junk wood – “some pieces not even worth the wood burning pile” – and bringing it back to his studio and, before long, have it looking like a “fine piece of art”. Alex then pulls out a cross from one of his many piles and says, “I got this maple from a farm. It was a rotted out tree laying on the ground. That was 6 weeks ago. Look at it now – it is the most beautiful piece of wood I ever came across.” The way Alex describes this process exemplifies a true master at work. “I love taking the damaged pieces and finding the beauty within the piece”.
I asked Alex to explain some of the crosses that he makes when all of the family is not of the same religion.

“I call them a family cross or family star of David. I take pictures of the piece of wood, and see how the pattern is laid out along the spalt line, which is the black line running through the tree. I cut the crosses out; then if I get two crosses out of it, it would be called a book match. I would flip it over and they would have the mother and father and all of the children made from the same piece of wood or if the father and mother were Jewish and one of children turned out to be Jewish and one turned out to be Christian, I would cut the pieces appropriately.”

So, by using the same piece of wood Alex can maintain each individuals religious idenity within the family in a very unique and symbolic way.

There is a quote from a forum called UCS on the Internet that says:
“So many different lifestyles, so many different temporal opinions held, ideas and ideals cherished, and yet each one of these individuals is telling us the same thing –– this is One World, we are all One Humanity, and the health and future of our collective Being depends on us recognizing and living this Universal Truth.”

Alex is making this concept a reality when he uses something so inherently symbolic to man’s existence as the wood of a tree to symbolize the “different temporal opinion” held even within one family. I asked Alex how many crosses he thinks he has ready right now to sell. Remember Alex is cutting each of these crosses by hand. Alex said, “Well, if you want them in the rough, not sanded, I have made about 15,000. When I asked him how many have been through the rigorous sanding (5 phases each – done by hand) . . .then on to the equally complex stages of hand oiling, he says almost mumbling, “maybe 1000″. Yes, they are small, touched by an artist’s joyful love and energy, then sent out to do their work. God’s little soldiers.

It starts to become very apparent that Alex is serious about making this cross business go. The large beautiful piece of work that he has “sitting ready to go” However, 15,000 crosses will be able to reach 15,000 people. Alex is truly spreading the love that he has for his art in a way that can reach the spiritual hearts of thousands of men, women, and children.

..
One of the contemporary artists that has influenced Alex’s philosophy is George Nakashima, who wrote The Soul of a Tree. Like Nakashima, Alex has a deep respect for trees that is apparent in the work he does. Alex is able to capture interesting patterns in the wood grain and express his art in a God-given way. Another contemporary artist that has influenced Alex is Louise Nevelson. I asked him what it was about her art that impacted him. He said it wasn’t so much her art as it was her strong sense of determination. He said, “she never gave up”.

Here are few examples of the work Alex does….

Written by Jimmie Hays and Edited by Diana Clark. circa 2006. Shell Knob, MO

I got a note from Alex today on facebook, he mention this above interview I did with him and thankfully I still had it saved on my computer. I am trying to gather a few more photos of his work and at least one of him. I enjoyed my time living in Missouri, I met some wonderful people living in that part of the United States, I will always cherish my time spent living and growing there. Alex, I hope you read this part, and thank you for letting me interview you, it was a real honor getting to know you better and seeing the work you do. Your cup runneth over my friend, God has truly blessed you and I am so much better person having known you.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I was in the downtown historical district, Apple and I walk there many months of the year. Many times I don’t see anything unusual to photograph, and that lead me to develop a bad habit of leaving my camera at home. It is actually quite inconvenient having to carry it with me when walking Apple. I don’t always have a pocket to stick it in and there is no good way to carry it otherwise. Summertime is especially hard, winter, I usually have on a coat, so I can handily carry it in my coat pocket. But, fortunately the afternoon I saw this guy on the roof,  I had already arrived back at my car and my camera was inside my car.

It don’t think I have ever figured out where the music was coming from before, even though I “may” have heard him playing. He is playing a banjo and even from the long distance his was from me, I think he sounded pretty good. He watched me take his photo, and I was a little shy about doing that, as I worried he thought I was going to report him (never know these days) and ruin his fun. I tried to give him a thumbs up, hoping it would give him the settled feeling that I took his photo because he was giving me enjoyment. Sometimes I don’t know how folks will react to getting their photos taken by strangers in passing, I feel in a way it is a tad bit trespassing. But trespass I did.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Here is a closeup..

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I am still trying to figure out how he got up there, IF he came out that window on the far lower left side of photo, he was still scaling a very steep incline to get up to the top, and with a banjo in hand it would have been quite tricky, not to mention the trip back down? I don’t think that was the route, but there are no other visible windows for him to have used, the only other possibility was inside that square area he is sitting is a rooftop area, and if so, I like that. I hope that is what he has and was just on the ledge of said rooftop garden/patio.

Me and Apple have a good time here in Charlottesville, she makes me walk everyday, rain, sleet, snow, ice, sunshine, heat, all of the elements; we are out there, and sometimes we get to have a great reward. I get the photo and she gets the exercise.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I sometimes think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability.

(quote Oscar Wilde)

Ok, I admit I am a little disappointed in myself, (once again) I try to practice being “non-judgmental” and unfortunately, I am my own worst critic.  But this confession is pretty hard, I ran across an old classmates blog last night, which I spent a better of an hour reading. I feel a little creepy in doing so, as I think I should at least have

commented to her that I was enjoying catching up with her life, (we have not seen each other since late 60′s or early 70′s) I really don’t recall?  However, that is not my confession, what I am admitting to is that reading her blog is why I am working on mine today. Why is that weird, some may ask, well, because it isn’t that she inspired me in a deeper sense, it is just that I had this external motivation to write based upon the fact that she is doing such a good job of hers, more like, if she can do this, so can I? Back to the old competitive stuff of long ago?(hmmm?) However, even this I will take, if it gets me off my duff and gets me writing again. I just wonder how meaningful my writing is when it is based upon such a shallow bit of inspiration?

I mean, I recently read and listened to one of my favorite writers, Anne Lamott, usually when I listen to her speak I get inspired, but even her words of wisdom did not do it for me. I reconnected in a way with some of my inner work/joy, but not enough to write. But, my old friend Joanne’s blog, which is not in the written to be inspiring, it is her fabulous Jewelry Business YLANG23 which is incredibly well done, not to mention the exquisite, custom jewelry she sells, and from what I gather designs as well. I am really drawn to her work, her success, her sense of art and beauty. I am inspired, but it isn’t the kind I am saying helps me find “inner peace”. But, it is certainly esthetically pleasurable.

So, this morning I grabbed my camera, which is also a good thing, I never return home empty handed, and off Apple and I went to gather a little of this world in my magic box. Here is what I have today:

On a side window of an obscure, seemingly empty store, was this mannequin dressed in this western wedding attire.  Not really sure why it is there, as it is not exactly a store, but the dress did catch my eye.

I had a hard time of getting a good angle on this dress, the way it is squeezed into the corner of the side of the window, did not leave me much wiggle room, but I found this dress most interesting, very out of place in the downtown mall. Yet, on the other hand it has it’s own lure.

Hibiscus is about the only flower that is blooming around here right now, but they are so dramatic. I love them. You know they make a great tea also, which has proven ability to lower high blood pressure and how great is that?  If I had the choice between drinking a natural source of mother natures concoction or taking a pharma pill, I would certainly go for the tea. I haven’t got high blood pressure, but if I did, I would be growing my own flowers. But hey, that is just me.

Look at this flower, see how it is stretching out? How neat is that?  Yes, the Hibiscus is a showpiece in it’s own right.

This picture is of a little paper store on the downtown mall, the sign reads; “No Bird Soars Too High, If  It Soars With It’s Own Wings”  I never thought of a bird trying to fly using someone else’s wings? How could that even happen? Not sure about that little gem of a quote? I actally don’t get it? But the display is catchy and maybe will sell some paper today. I was drawn to it. right?

Today is the first football game here at UVA, I don’t know who we play, hmmm, let me look…..(tic tock) got it, we play William and Mary at 6pm.

So, final word, am I back? (humor) I don’t even know….I have other thoughts and lots of things to write about, but still, inertia seems to be my monkey riding on my back. I do what I can…..

have fun!

This is one of the first things I did when I got to Arkansas, I went to visit my nephew Hays Enoch. He is standing next to his own design and wordwork creation. He is so talented, everything he does, he excels. This was such a good way to start my summer vacation in Arkansas.

Rootbeer Float for Dinner and other Southern snips……

They say God gives you what you need, not what you want. I think God has it in for me this summer. Well, not me by myself, after all it’s sizzling hot for millions of us living in the South. Today was another 99 degree day, so says the weather channel that I check into on my limited bandwidth usb760. According to the “hourly report” it was predicted to be down to 80 degrees by 10:00 pm. I don’t believe it got that cool at ten pm, as I was outside trying to do plumbing on my Airstream, and sweated off about 10lbs of water. I am probably exaggerating on the lbs part, but the sweating was heavy. As I sat out there, trying to connect the new sewer line to my rv, and the sweat was pouring off my head so fast it almost felt like raindrops, (but salty) I wondered if I was heading for a heart attack, the thought did cross my mind, I mentioned this to my assistant, (my sister) and she reassured me, she was sweating the same as I, it was just the “humidity”. Wow! I totally forgot how much one can sweat here in the south.

I finished my project, unfortunately it still needs more work, this old Airstream has seen better days, and the dang gasket that connects the sewer line rotted out, now I need a new one. Heck, this 1975 model is doing great to be in the condition it is, I am sure that gasket is original, I can live with buying a new one, and then everything will be finished. It is just the heat, it is impossible to work in this stuff, (me that is). I keep asking my sister, “how do people work in this heat?”  seriously, it is freaking hot and when I go outside my energy is drained. I spent the early morning weed eating and mowing, taking the old sewer lines down and getting things ready to put new ones in, that took all my energy and I spent the rest of the day on the couch in my RV. Please, it is hot in there too, I mean hot. Airstreams are fair weather jobs, springtime or fall work best, otherwise  you aren’t getting great temperatures.

Hoarding…. Me thinks…

My parents had this 20 or 30 year old riding lawnmower they were going to have repaired for Kay,  her acre of land is on the cities bad yard list. So, a week or so ago, my mom, sister and I managed, by the grace of God, to push that heavy ass thing up a ramp. load it on the folks truck and drive it to a repairman to see if it could be repaired. I have never done anything of this magnitude (extremely exerting) and when the repairman checked it out, a rod was thrown, this thing is piece of junk, should have been discarded after the first guy told them it was junk 10 years ago. But, no, they held on to it, until they forgot what was wrong with it, and took it again to repairman to be told it was junk. Today my sister had to go get it off his lot, she pushed the monstrance thing back to her house. OMG!! I was in shock? Of course, I was here trying to use her electric weedeater to lower the weeds around my Airstream, a task equally challenging.

My summer vacation is not a vacation, it is not pleasant at all. I hate to complain, but this is bad. Too hot, too much repair work, too exerting and too little to show for it. I was thinking tonight as I took my cold shower, how hard this is, then what I try to do is convince myself I am camping, (without the lake view or nice camp stuff like that), I mean, folks do put out a lot of work to camp, but they are camping at a vacation spot, not a work release lodge.

I ended up buying myself a rootbeer float tonight from a local drive inn, Jerry’s to be precise, it was good, it was cold, sweet and very enjoyable. I even forgot to eat dinner after swilling it down. I am glad I bought it, something I never do. My stomach is churning right now?  I am too tired to eat, and had enough calories already anyway.

Vacationing in my sister’s back yard, in a hot old RV, this is very Arkansas I guess. But, sadly, it is better here than at my parents house, and it is expected that I come here to visit family on my time off. Too hot, too much work, and too tired to think.

Summer in the south? What about this climate change? A few more degrees, I need to grow gills. I cannot take much more heat and it is just June. No one gets this, they are brain dead I think.  I think a heat driven heart attack might be a way out of this? Crazy, not really, just realistic.

June 25, 2011

Still Hot as Hell and Not loving it….

I have been in AD since Wednesday June 15th, I have been in Arkansas since the first week of June. It has been consistently running in the high 90’s the entire visit. Humidity makes it even worse in regard to heavy air and low oxygen. I am basically sick to death of being here. I am counting the hours until sundown, which mean nothing really, just closer to being another day to mark off the calendar and one day closer to leaving Arkansas. I really wish I did not feel so negative toward these visits, but I knew it would not be an  comfortable visit, and it has not exceeded my expectations. Today I felt like I was going to die, seriously,  I did not even care. Heart or heat attack is not a bad way to go. Here is what this day consisted of; get up, feed Apple, get dressed, take Apple on walk, come back to RV and make coffee, sit in computer chair drinking coffee and listen to a friends book on tape (thank you T.O.). His book is my one saving grace for this visit. I fixed my lunch at 11 (ish); cold leftover catfish tacos, not too bad, as good as they were the first time, so, not bad at all really when you think about it that way. Oh, did my “oil pulling” earlier today, forgot to mention that. Then after lunch, gave me and Apple vitamins,  took Apple on another short walk, when I say short, this one is very, very short. So, after such a grueling morning, full of so much activity, I took a nap? What???  (eyebrows raised) I mean really, what is with that? I just barely woke up, did very little, and took yet another nap? I think I am depressed. Got up from nap about 12:30 pm, listened  to more of book on cd, and sat here. I thought about an ice cream float from Jerry’s Drive Inn. But talked myself out of that, too much unhealthy stuff in that ice cream. So little good food in this town. Almost no organics, how do people who want to eat non gmo foods, no rbgh and organic dairy do it here? I see it as a desert of nutrition. Two big grocery stores; Walmart has food and Brookshires. Neither one is doing anything extra to fill their shelves with good healthy foods. I did find some turkey that “says” it has no hormones, and no antibiotics, however it is not grassfed turkey. Labels mean nothing these days, they can put anything on them, I drive to Texarkana a couple times a week and pick up a few grocery items at a little vitamin store called Granary Health Foods, it has great prices, and actually not a bad selection of healthy choices, but way out of my way, and they are closed on Saturday and Sunday. Either health food business is booming in Texarkana and they don’t have to be open on the busiest grocery shopping day of the week, or they just like having weekends off and don’t care if folks like shopping on Saturday’s for their groceries. Either way, I am so glad I don’t have to live here and deal with that mentality, I hate to gripe (but I am) grocery stores that refuse to be open on Saturday? What?

Rootbeer Float?

I have been wishing for another RB float for days, it seems to be the one special item that is appealing to me, and it, of course is not healthy at all. But, this heat is not healthy, did I mention the paper mill? I could smell it last night and it was horrific, I am sure that is not helping my energy levels. God help these poor Arkansas folks who are imprisoned by the continued sensual assaults to the bodies by this giant of chemical company, one that spews it deadly fumes day in and day out. Of course to hear this company tell it, it is all rosebud and lavender fumes coming from those death defying smoke stacks that appears to spread across the skyline as wide as a the New York skyline at night time. I cough and gag just thinking about that smell.

I am ready to go back to Virginia, but when I get there, even though there is not much pollution in C’ville, the crime rate is daunting and I basically dread living in that huge house alone for the next six weeks. But, it is cool, full of amenities, and free for me to live in, none of which I have at the moment.

Fans

I have three fans running in a room that is 15 feet long and 9 feet wide, those three fans help move the air “conditioned” air coming from the air conditioner which never stops running. Right now the room temp is at 86 degrees. If one were to open the outside door for more than 15 seconds, the room temp will go up a degree or two.

Ants?

I have to fight them with such vengeance that I get to feeling like I am engaged in combat mission. I mean it, really? No food can sit on counter, ever, and the old fridge has such worn out seal, that they can enter the fridge, not so much the freezer. Thank goodness. But, on a more positive note, my new refrigerator/freezer will be delivered first of next week, and this old one gets booted out the door. I am still going to have to deal with ants, but at least not in refrigerator. Ants seem to surround this rv, they must have a trench built around it, I don’t see how else they can get to my counter so fast, they seem to live within inches of my living space? I don’t do poison controls, and the non toxic product I am spraying kills them on the spot, trouble is, they have back up troops in the zillions. I really do need to investigate this problem more in the future, as of now, (I am leaving in a few days) I will not spend much effort trying to fix this problem.

This year, I put up a thicker tarp on the area of my rv that gets the most sunlight. I think it has helped, maybe another tarp or two and I can actually feel cool air in the afternoons?  That would be awesome. I have replaced all the plastic sewer line (should I take this up and not let it rot this year?)  I bought a slinky like holder for the sewer line, it is definitely going to be stored, it is a wonderful improvement to my setup. As stated, new fridge/freezer, and I also bought a twin size blowup mattress for the living room, so during the afternoon, I can lay on it to nap. Nice idea, but cramped area makes it a little hard to put down and limited storage has created drawbacks.

Apple’s first summer here….

Apple took a while to acclimate to the RV, it was her first summer in it, and she did not love it. Peaches had lived in it for a few months back in 2006 when we lived on the White River in Northwest Arkansas, so she was used to being inside and her scent was here also.  Apple has settled in, but she is a young teenager, and she likes to go outside and run around the yard. It is too hot to run around the yard, so she gets impatient. I dang sure don’t like to be out in the heat, and during the late evening I am too exhausted to want to be outside very much either, so she is getting cheated.

Shar Pei’s at Jack’s Isle today…..(and other Jack’s Isle discoveries)

I took this picture near the fishing dock on Jack’s Isle. Interesting how much this area looks like something out of south Louisiana bayou, of course the high humidity and huge growth of alligators, snakes and turtles, gives this place an eerie swamp appeal. You would never get me out in a boat in that mess. I had a friend whose wife drowned in this area when I was about 14 years old. What a horrible place to drown?

 My sister and I saw three pretty cool looking Shar Pei’s, the owner came outside, we stood in the road and talked Shar Pei’s. He raises them, they are pretty too. He told me that none of them have skin problems, and I looked pretty close and they don’t. The did not have patchy skin and they all stay outside? Hmmmm? Makes me wonder, could it be the indoor/outdoor air switching back and forth that is hurting Apple more that the heat?  Apple got out of car (on leash) and met the other Shar Pei’s, but she wasn’t that impressed. She did not seem to realize that this was her tribe. Her main attention, on the owner, but she did not jump on him, and would sit on command. I was happy she showed him her manners.

Rootbeer day….

I did it, I got another Rootbeer Float today, that makes two since I arrived here. Mmmmmm it was so good. I enjoyed it to the MAX. Cool, refreshing, sweet and lasted me a while. I enjoyed every slurp and sip. Heck, what is a sixty year old crone to enjoy in life, if she no longer drinks alcohol, smokes, dips, or dates? Right? LOL ….. (I never did dip) funny though!

It is almost sundown, time for a nice cold shower. If you keep the water running at a low drip/spray, and you have a good thick washrag, heat up some water using the electric coffee pot, and mix that into a gallon jug of water, add into the mix, bathroom of the RV is hot as hell,  you can have a great shower. I do have a small electric water heater, it is a good one, but it is not connected to the water supply right now, and it is a HUGE hassle to connect, I would rather just cold shower.

Sunday June 26th…..

Best Time of Day…

It is now 8:19am, it is the very best time of day here in the hot, humid south. June is almost over, so as usual the heat will begin to leave it’s mark on the night and the early mornings will no longer hold that cool brisk evening air. The earth will warm, the extreme hot days will penetrate into the core of the earth and seep back into the night as a ghost would coming to collect his past. I have not actually lived in Southwest Arkansas for over 20 years. I moved to Northwest Arkansas, that was my choice after moving to Florida for one brutal hurricane ridden summer. That particular summer was inundated with 5 hurricanes, the last one sent me reeling back toward inland. Hurricanes have a way of getting ones attention, even more so than tornadoes, see, even when tornadoes touch down, more times than not, they hit some places and miss others in it’s path (exceptions do exist; ex. Joplin MO 2011) however, most tornadoes have history of less destructive natures than hurricanes. So, when the coast of Florida had 5 hurricanes that one summer, I found it to be so unsettling, that I tucked my tail and headed to dryer land. Also, there was the humidity, goodness, my hair was a horrid mess in that temp/humid climate. Northwest Arkansas was good to me, I lived in the area for many years, I made lots of friends, and survived, but, actually never found a good paying job. Nothing against the existing job structure, just nothing that appealed to me. So far, Virginia has been my heaven. But, N/W AR has a good climate, has a nice rural feel, folks are pretty rugged, but good quality people. I miss it, but have moved on to greener pastures. No Regrets.

The niceness of the morning will soon evaporate into a sizzling hot bed of molten heat rising from the earth while also searing down from the sun.  Today the sun will gather all it’s gusto, and beam itself toward me with all it’s strength, as to say, I am gunning for you old crone. I believe this is the time of year to die, if it is to be, then be it. I am sure those whose time has come and do not have air conditioners will move on to God’s healing love. It must be alluring during this time of year. I am sure of that.

My battle with the fridge/freezer…..

That old fridge is on it’s last leg, I have babied my food inside the freezer section for a week now. I rearrange the food up and down in the freezer all through the day, placement is the key. Apple’s dog food is raw diet. I have to thaw it, keep it cold, but not frozen. Too much to worry about during this heat. Traveling with a dog who eats raw food is impossibly difficult, her sensitive digestive system is hard to work with, how did I have this happen?  I was just trying to give her the best diet possible, one that fits her delicate needs, but those yard dog Shar Pei’s , they did not have any of her privileges, outside, no special raw diet, no supplements, and they all looked fine? Really makes me wonder??/  Cannot wait to share this information with the forum.

Today…..

Kay and I drive back down to Fouke to help Aubrey with his tomato crop, his field has produced an immense number of tomatoes, 100+++ of lbs.

We are going to help him freeze what we can. Amazing bumper crop. I like going there…..we will have a good day. I pray. Please God, open my mind and show me your wisdom. Help me to follow your guidance in all ways. Help me to get out of myself and be there for others. Send cooling breeze will be good too! Oxoxoxo

New Day (June 27th 2011)

What to do, what to do….

Well, plans fell through regarding my Fouke adventure. That is common in my family. However, nothing to fret about actually. Things were not in sync for my needs, and I am running low on time here in Arkansas. I am pressing myself, not actually any kind of time clock, I just wanted to leave before the 4th of July. All it represents for me is hot weather, empty days, and disappointing outcomes. Why would I like any of that? Right?

Well, today is refrigeration day, I get my new one, and I do not want to miss that guy who is delivering it here, because I want him to lift it into the rv (ugh…missed him, had to drag it over here and lug into the RV). Then I can shove this old one, out the door and onto the ground,  maybe even use it to stand on to get on top of RV, weather permitting. But, back to time and my pressing need (feeling) to get the hell out of dodge. Let me write this down, maybe, just maybe, I can still go before the 4th. First, I have several things hanging, one is climbing like a monkey up on Airstream roof, which has nothing to grab or hang on, then hoist myself on roof. Plus, Airstreams being aerodynamically built, the dome style roof, is rather perplexing, especially when your ladder does not reach the top. Mine does not? I don’t even know if I can actually do this?  Of course, the actual work is not a big deal, once I land on top. So, we will see, I haven’t been able to find anyone up the time of day when  I need to get on top of it, and so the story goes, I just sit and stew. I need someone around, if I did fall, no one to call for help. But hey, I do have my cell phone now, I can use that? Hmmm? That makes sense. Still this old fridge hold promise for me to stand on to get up there.

The refrigerator has been keeping me busy, moving things around inside that freezer, which is working as a fridge in spots and freezer in spots, but in order to keep things cold, and not frozen, one must be diligent. What else, well…I need to drop off my laundry and have it washed and folded, I need to clean up outside the rv and oh, did I mention paint the roof of the bedroom, a task which was never completed. I guess it was not finished because it seems so easy. But, there are still only small windows of opportunity in which to do any of this work and when the sun beats down and the temp inside the standing area gets to 100 degrees, I have nothing left to give. The only difference in being inside and outside is shade from the sunlight. Still hot as hell.

Time is running out….

Today is 27th, my eta was 29th? I need to be in Prescott at least that morning or sometime tomorrow evening? No can do……<heavy sigh>

The thing is, if I don’t leave on the 29th or 30th, I have to go on the weekend, when travel is going to be hectic? Or maybe not so much? Not sure? Hotels will be higher, but I am only paying for one night anyway, the other will be free. Gas prices? I think will be lower, they keep going down.  I don’t know what happened that kept me from doing what needed to get done during these days I spent here, I did get my car tags, I did get my divorce/marriage dates that I need to get my passport, I did paint some, I did do
some yard work, I did blog some, and tomorrow morning I have set aside some time to visit some old friends whom I have not seen since back in the early 90’s or so. That is worthwhile stuff. I shall write about that later.

I wish the rv would stay the temp it is right now, running at mid 70’s and back bedroom in the high 70’s, goodness, it was hotter than this most of the evening when I went to bed, I mean, it was just awful last night.

It will be in the 100’s outside today, why do I kid myself, and it will be awful inside. No easy answers, and nothing yet resolved. Later………

June 28th _  A Wonderful Walk in the Park…..

Meetup with Jim Presley and Georgia Daily at Springlake Park – Texarkana, Texas

What a wonderful day it has been, drove to Texarkana, Texas, spent the first part of my day visiting with two wonderful friends from days gone by. Georgia Daily and Jim Presley – priceless endeavor.

Georgia and I go back to the early 80’s when she was the College Neighborhood Community Center director and I was housed in one of the offices at that same center working with troubled youth in the community. I was hired by Wayland Loveall and placed in that center by county, city and state funding. Georgia and I had two different bosses, and two separate reasons to be there, hers was more involved with the Sr Citizens and mine youth. She and I became good friends, but I always regarded her as one of my semi bosses. I managed to keep that job for about two years, about as long as I kept any job I ever had.

Jim Presley and I are friends through an entirely different venue, we both had become members of a community environmental group called F.U. S. E., Friends United for a Safe Environment. I think Jim was one of the founders of this group, he is still actively involved in it.

My visit with them was one special event. I was honored they wanted to meet back up with me. It was certainly a fulfilling morning. We met at 8:00 am, while it was still breezy and shady at the park, it is a nice area to do such things in Texarkana. I enjoyed going there. Georgia looks great, she is and has always been a special lady. Her independence has always been inspiring and now seeing her gallantly moving toward her 9th decade is true testament this amazing woman. At any age she is inspiring, but certainly now she carries the torch of inspiration even further. I truly admire her.

Jim is also an inspiration to me, he  made me laugh, he told me he saw me as a meteorite when I joined F.U.S.E., he said I came in from no where, and streamed across the sky brightly lit up, and suddenly disappeared as fast as I arrived.  That metaphor fits me  more than my short stint at F.U.S.E. Basically, my ability to come to life for short intervals is to not unique to the time I spent working hard in F.U.S.E., it serves me well in most areas of my life. I am also inspired by Jim’s perseverance to his calling and need to be surrounded by folks like he and Georgia.

Bzzzzzz ing around this Morning….

Task at hand, get on top of Airstream, patchup some broken plastic that was hail damaged so rain will not pour into my Airstream during the next year.

I devised a plan, went to store, bought supplies and ask my sister to assist me in the project. Plan was to push that old fridge next to RV, use aluminum ladder to climb on fridge, put a ice chest on top of fridge, (steady ice chest with rubber backed door mat) and climb on RV (imagine a Rube Goldburg setup).  After getting up on RV, apply a good covering of thick vinyl to cover holes. Well thought out plan, simple to complete. All was going splendid until I ran across about six angry red wasp. They were obviously guarding the exact space I needed to fix. (ugh!). So, as I steadied myself, I hollered down at Kay to hurry and get the Cedarcide (non toxic) spray, and it was great, I managed to defend myself and run them away from the opening, but alas, it was not the six temperamental wasp that were going to be my concern, nope…upon reaching to break loose the broken plastic , I soon discovered that beneath that cover was a giant nest of huge, angry, swarming red wasp. I had stirred them up and they were all coming toward me. I could only think of one goal, that was to get the hell off the roof of the RV before I got stung multiply times and ended up falling to the ground. So, I screamed (girl thing to do first) then slid off the roof, barely touching the ladder or the refrigerator. Kay said I touched nothing, just glided off the roof. I believe it, I was in full retreat.

So, now I have to go about this project with a new priority, first kill the red wasp. I have two issues, one is just reaching the nest with spray while maintaining safe distance. Then, keeping the hole plugged inside, so as not to get the poison spray inside my RV. I took on second part of task first, I have covered the inside fixture with paper towels and then a good plastic covering. Now I have to wait (again) until sundown to spray the nest, (going to follow directions on this detail).  Then, climb back on top of Airstream and resume my original project.  I got stung one time so far today, not bad considering, and MOM’s (milk of magnesia) was handy and contained the sting. My elbow is what got stung, and it is kind of swollen, but otherwise I am fine.

Fighting Wasp and Other nest…..

I was ready to kill the wasp this morning, got up on the ladder, aimed my can of wasp killer at the nest, and sprayed, it was a only a partial can, so the stream of poison did not last too long. I only saw 2 wasp come out of the nest. What??? I was not really very confident that it killed the wasp, so I took off to the local feed and seed supply to restock the ammo. Returned armed with a full can of spray, stood upon my sisters pickup truck bed, climbed up the ladder, aimed and sprayed right into the space where the wasp were housing. Still, nothing, no swarming wasp? The fact of the matter is, I know there were at least thirty wasp coming at me yesterday, while Cedarcide spray may have misted the nest inadvertently as I was battling the six wasp that came at me first, I cannot imagine the nest was evacuated because of the minor misting. Now when I sprayed the first spray only two flew out, and the second spray was equally unproductive. Either the nest is empty, or I just killed them dead with my spraying and they fell out and did not swarm, or the worse case scenario, they are still alive and well, honing in on their nest, and I did not even get close to killing them?  That is where I am at this point, and I am getting very tired of this entire project. So, I will have a taller ladder, tomorrow I will once again venture up on top of Airstream, see if this taller ladder will help me see inside the hole, and go from there. Did I mention that just because I saw only one nest up there does not mean there is only one, where there is smoke there is fire, and those dam wasp love RV’s in the summer in the south.

It rained a small shower this evening, I took a late nap, slept until about 9:30 pm, got up, drove to Walmart, picked up a few groceries, when in Rome, do as the Roman’s, if the rest of the town can eat that dreadful food, I suppose I can manage to get by on it for a few more days. I bought some fresh avocado’s, whole wheat bread that is made without hfcs, and actually sweetened with stevia, yes! Got Apple some pumpkin puree, ground turkey ( she eats raw diet). I tried to find a free wifi spot, McDonald’s would not work for me and both little motels in town have their systems setup with passcodes, shez? Cheap little town. My broadband  30 days are up, not spending any more money on that anyway, it is not really worth it, or so it seems, I must increase the mail hold with post office in Virginia and soon.

It is now 12:30 am, I need to go back to sleep, I had a good nap, but now it’s time for bed. Maybe it will be cooler tomorrow. One can always hope!

July 1st – Hot time in the South

Just returned from my first duty of the day, walking Apple, and without her, no way would I be out doing that much needed exercise. I literally force myself to walk her, nothing else could motivate me so. I am grateful. I sit here with my first cup of java and laptop in my lap, recording my early morning thoughts. It is July, now the real hot summer begins. I don’t know how much cooler it will be in Charlottesville, but it won’t be as consistently humid, and that in itself brings comfort to me. I somewhat dread the drive back, but with the two nights on the road in hotels, it is not that bad. We can manage much nicer that way. Money does have it’s way of adding comfort to our lives. I think it is a great tool, but what seems to have happened in our country, is money has become a god, and when that happened, we as humans seem to have forgotten that it is not the end all, just another one of many tools we have been given. I live a meager lifestyle by most  measurements, but, I find ways to sprinkle in additional comforts as well. For example, I certainly have the time to run up to laundrymat and do my laundry, however, I made a decision to pay someone else, and it was very worthwhile. I am also drinking organic grown coffee, certainly an additional expense, but considering that coffee is one of the most highly sprayed (with poisons) of all plants, to me, it is a necessity, but many of my fellow contemporaries don’t see it my way, it is obvious from the limited selection of organic coffee’s in the regular grocery stores. Money can be used in many good ways, and I am not against it, I am against the way we seem to justify selling our souls in order to gain more than we need. We do not need huge spacious houses, we can get by with much smaller space, we do not need fancy luxury cars, we can get by with smaller more fuel efficient ones as well. I am sure some would tell me they are giving themselves these special pleasures the same way I am giving myself organic coffee. Not really, you don’t think I am falling for that one, or do you? I am laughing right now. I did not sell my soul to have either good coffee or take my clothes to the laundry mat for God’s sake. My footprint is very small, and my soul is in a good place.

Choices

“If we knew the consequences of our actions, our decisions,  would you want to know? If you kiss that girl, if you talk to that man, if you take that job or marry that person. If we knew what would happen in the end would we ever be able to take the first step, to make the first move? Quoted from movie

I like the questions this quote raises, for when I look back at many decisions I have made, I wonder what actions would have been different had I known the outcome going into my relationships. I would venture to say all of my relationships with men were based totally upon emotions, and never did I base any decisions on rational facts. For example, Rick D, he was just about the worst possible guy that I have ever dated. He was however, one of the great loves of my life.

When I first met him, I avoided him like the plague, I knew intellectually he was a bad choice, but he persisted and he managed to win me over, and after that, it was down a very deep rabbit hole I went. I could go on describing the fatal decisions I made in all of the men in my life, but in reality, they are all basically the same, bad choices, and certain doomed outcomes. If I had known the outcomes would I have allowed those relationship choices to expand? I guess it would depend on how certain the “knowing” was, I mean, falling in love with a guy who was 17 years younger (not the guy in this photo, another bad choice I made in my middle 40′s) than I was is pretty certain not a good decision and it would not take a fortune teller to tell me the outcome, right? I did not care, I let my heart lead me and failed to listen to anyone tell me otherwise. I am not so sure it would have been different no matter who was giving me the final outcome early on. I mean, I knew he was younger than me pretty fast into our meeting, I just ignored the facts.

I have no regrets, I have a good life, I have allowed myself to be swept away in utter impetuous romance, throwing care to the wind. Complete abandon and back again, so what, I would say, I defy the gods to hand me to the court of good judgment, allow me to follow my heart, I love this life. Hurt? Oh hell yes, I have cried a river of tears, I have felt the pains of deep grief meant for the suicide bound. I have defied all the odds and gone back for more. Regrets? No, for a person like myself, this was the life I wished for, and today I am completely and utterly content. It doesn’t get much better than that.  Now about that Rootbeer Float?  I have earned it.

Patched one hole and one to go…

I finally succeeded in climbing up on the airstream and patching one of the holes. Oh dear, what a wonderful feeling it was to accomplish this dreaded of dreaded task. I have stalled, made up excuses, found more excuses, rationalized, exaggerated, drug around like a dying slug, and basically for the last two or three years, put this off. (seriously) You laugh right? Me too. Good god, how long can one be so full of disdain toward a task? Of course the wasp encounter was enough to prove my lack of motivation to be worthwhile. However, while up there this morning working on hole two, I kept peering back at hole one (keeping a keen eye on the “nest”) and never did even see one wasp. I think I got the nest the other day, now I am just dragging my ass because I worry about the tremendous amount of poison sprayed on the roof (more excuses). But, to my pleasure, this morning I was able to successfully apply patchwork to the other (hole two) without even stepping off the ladder, which is going to help when I go back up to complete my job. I began this job about 8 oclock, and by the time I finished it was already too hot to even consider the other hole. Good gosh, how do those roofers do this kind of work? I could see a covey of them over at Cowlings Insurance Co roof from where I stood on my ladder this morning, all I can say, is good for them, I was about to die after my few minutes up there, and I refuse to continue in that heat. I would like to say, maybe none of them are sixty years old, but those Mexicans are made for this heat, I think? I don’t have any Mexican in my blood. So there. That is my excuse and I am sticking to it.

So, with that that hole finally patched up, and one last detail in that arena to go, I can begin to finalize my plans to move toward packing the old airstream for it long summer and winter sleep.

Made the list, seems pretty doable. Nothing really heavy or hard. Just cleaning up, empty food from all spaces, put out the rat/mice controls, gather my clothes, computers, cameras, vitamins, take all trash out, pick up card board and discard, secure that a/c (another pretty comical setup of my design) pick up the slinky devise holding my rv sewer line, fill bathtub and let it “swoosh” my sewer line (uh, not in that order), put away my extension cords. Not much else, but it will be work, and during the heat of day, all work is exhausting.

My plan, leave Monday?  (I think)

Just threw this one in, I love to photograph old barns, this is one down at the Enoch Berry Farm in Fouke.

My Plan to leave was changed by the weather. Apple and I evacuated the RV on Saturday afternoon, the inside temp hit 96 degrees, and it was climbing. It was at that juncture that I made a snap decision to hit the highway and move on back to Virginia for the remainder of the summer. I finished patching the roof on Sunday morning. No more wasp in site, that was a welcome relief. I cautiously climbed on the roof early Sunday morning and very carefully examined the area where the red wasp nest had been and whatever I had used, some of it got rid of them. So, I dug those old nest out of the area that I was going to cover, crawled up on top of RV and went to work taping down the vinyl covering. I would like to have done this project with the right materials, but living in the boonies, and not knowing exactly which parts I need, I have to do what I can. This old airstream is holding up well, and as long as I can keep the water from getting inside during the next couple of years, I can fix it back up (just like new).  So successfully completeing that project was a huge load off my shoulders, and I immediately went to work finalizing the closing down of airstream and packing my car for the trip back East. It is grueling work, kind of like digging post holes, no one wants to help. I just drag along, sweating and toiling. I sit, sweat and rest, then keep going. I had checked the hourly temperature on the weather channel, so I knew how much time I had before it would get too hot to do what I had to, so I was pushing myself my meet the deadline. I got it all done, stopped and bought a big bag of ice for my fancy new 5 day igloo, and drove to Prescott to say bye to the folks. I was on the road by 2:30pm heading for Jackson Tenn, which is where I spend my first night on the road.

Driving back to Virginia is getting to be rather monotonous,  I have been going up and down this route for five years. I have tried different routes, none are very interesting, the problem is traveling alone. I wouldn’t mind venturing off the beaten path, I have done it at times, but it is still not that worthy of the added time I put on the long journey back here. I liked it last summer when I spent a couple extra nights in Tunica Mississippi, and no, I did not go to the casinos. I wanted to take some photos of the older plantation areas, there was once an interesting little agricultural community there, but, exploring this stuff alone has it’s downfalls and yet, even if someone was helping me drive, they wouldn’t be interested in what I was, so there. No point whining about that. Heard of “Driving Miss Daisy”? that would be my best scenerio, Driving Miss Jimmie, yep, that would be the ticket.

I spent night two in Kingsport, TN., I like the hotel, and once I am back on the road, it is only 4 hours to Charlottesville. I was back here by 4pm yesterday. It was a good feeling being home. The house was cool, the outside temp here has been amazing. I have rested all day today, and plan on taking this week very easy. Apple even seems to be in a more relaxed mode.

One last thought, and not really sure what is going on, but I feel so sad. I hardly ever feel so sad, yet I have this feeling that I abandoned ship by leaving Arkansas. I mean it, I feel like I saw the downing of the Titanic and abandoned it before it hit the iceburg.  I hope this feeling goes away soon, it is not healthy.

Here goes, finally making another agreement with myself, this one has been  tough. I am  saying NO! to facebook. Today is actually [day 9] (IF, one were counting) of my not logging onto facebook. What a coup d‘état , seriously.  I am taking control of my life.

Saying NO to the master…..

Certainly there are numerous advantages to serving Facebook as my master. I get to go there everyday, and many, many times though out the day, spend hours perusing  my friend list and many other “liked” pages to see how things are going in that world. Sometimes I learn valuable points of interest, like; when Monsanto is trying to pull a fast one, or maybe, when another friend in Texarkana got a load of bamboo, or maybe if another friend killed a snake, (that is a popular one too) ‘but. overall, the gain of this knowledge is not worth the incredible time drain that I have been suffering. I only have a little under 200 friends, and hardly ever do I actually communicate with the ones I actually know, (as in the real world of skin and bone). No, most of the people that I know on facebook in a “communication” way, I have never met, or only once or twice? We have common interest in things that matter to us, so we gather information, we  swap  “likes “on our post, we comment back and forth regarding the sad events of the day; japan, gulf water, monsanto, air pollution, water pollution, chemtrails, uh, I think you get my drift. Most of the stuff I “like” is actually stuff I do “not like”. But, to support the poster, you click their “like” so it can be acknowledged you read their post.

Last Monday, April 11th, if one were counting, I logged on to facebook, never knowing it would be my last time to do so. I posted a happy moment in my life, one of great honor. I am blessed with the knowledge that within looking distance of my window a nest of baby hawks and their mother has been constructed. I even have  photos of such event.

(Her little head is all you can see, but she is in there with them)

(you have to look hard, but she is hiding back in between the limbs and leaves)

I have not returned to capture her on camera, I respect her too much.  She is busy doing what she does, guarding and protecting her nest, and the saying “watch me like a hawk” is not unearned. They are masters of observation and I don’t want her feeling threatened by any human need to fulfill their selfish need of pointing cameras at her during this vulnerable time.

I saw him first, he was hunting food, and when he flew back to greet her and bring her food, I saw them together, that told me there was a nest nearby. I am so humbled. And that is what caused me to leave facebook.  For when I posted and shared MY moment of glory, someone  started a “morning rant” using words I had used, to piggyback off of, to make some petty point regarding the “caretaking of the earth”. Which, in another venue, would be fine, but not on my clock. I was feeling so good, and that was the response of a “so called facebook friend” ? I know, pretty lame in the big picture, I agree, however, I  was getting disenchanted with my timedrain there anyway, this was just the impetus I needed to go. And go I have.

So, how has it been getting off Facebook?

Horrible, the first few days, it was like breaking up with a bf, I had feelings of remorse, I questioned my motives, I spend hours upstairs in my head, with that horrible hamster cage spinning round and round. It never seemed to cease, and through out the last 9 days, I have been tempted many times to just “check-in” a few minutes, “no one would know” right? What would a few minutes matter, right? All the usual convincing comments came to me, and instead of acting upon them, I fought it, but the discomfort still remains, and that is why I decided to write about this. I need to vent. Maybe someone else needs to read this, it will help them or even keep others from falling prey to the trap of facebook.

LOOKING BACK….

I began my facebook journey in 2006, when I signed on, I had no clue what it was. I had run across it by accident,  actually a Bob Dylan sign/video thing, one that intrigued me so much, that I joined facebook in order to give it a try……

If you put the above video on facebook, you could change the words to something you wanted to say. I did all that, and it was posted on facebook, and I am sure that was my first posting on facebook. I had no friends there, and actually nothing to draw me in, so, unless I wanted to watch my bob dylan customized video, nothing to do, so I forgot about facebook. Later I added a video about Cuban city farming which was one I really liked, but again, no friends to show it too, thus it sat. I even recall warning my nephew, who left myspace to rehome at facebook, to be very careful, as I had read horror stories about those who had made efforts to delete their facebook accounts, but discovered it  very hard to remove ones data. Once they have you, they have you for life, I cautioned him. But, of course, to no avail. I would have been the same, and actually was….I  ended up NOT even following my own warning. I recall back in 2009 a friend from Arkansas, one who actually IS a good friend of mine invited me to be her friend on facebook. I was already there in terms of account stuff, but not in the sense of a place to hang with friends. I accepted her invite, and early on, it was a simpletons paradise, we exchanged some meaningless flowers, gifts, and tried to green the earth using little apps,  mundane time erasers such as that.  But, alas! I had bigger fish to fry, I eventually was turned on to the world of  farming on facebook. Now there was some good stuff to use up time, here I was involved in building a perfect farm. I had friends who shared gifts, we gave each other cows, plants, goats, trees, nifty little virtual objects that would enhance your nifty little farm. First it was MyFarm, then folks invited me to Farmtown, the apps says “In this site you will find  farmers from all over the world meet, exchange tips and help each other”  Oh yes! that is so inviting, must go there and hang with the farmers from all over the world. I was now involved in two “special” farm apps. But it did not end there, eventually I signed up several others in order that I  could send myself various gifts, this would speed up my farm expansion, increase my levels and just make my life so wonderful, OH, and drain more time too. Can’t imagine the hours of my life that I devoted to the virtual farm world, but suffice to say, War and Peace was probably written in less time. Moreover, I am sure I could have learned the basics of operating my new dsl camera, tia chi, or something actually worthwhile, instead of developing a make believe compound of a virtual farms. However, as things go for me, I  eventually lost interest in virtual farming, but it wasn’t overnight, and giving up my farms was not THAT easy, I felt that old pain of attachment, all that time invested and nothing to show for it, except make believe farms that could be erased in an instant. Was I learning  to use the eastern technique called  detachment? Ohhhh, I see, okay….that helps! (I think)

During 2011, without the farm community to keep me floundering in a sea of nothing,  I dug deeper into more perusing of folks comments, some days it seemed all I did was check my facebook page to see if anyone had a new comment. One that I could comment on and  “like”.  The biggies; Millions Against Monsanto, Just say NO to GMO, GMO Journal, Month Without Monsanto, a few cleaver friends who added important news updates, all of that became my world. I thrived upon their latest reports, I searched endlessly to see what was going on the world, then Japan had the earthquake, tsunami, and eventual nuclear meltdowns,  I was off and running, fearlessly reporting the news, pages upon pages of comments and just running with it, but guess what? None of my old friends from Arkansas, Texas, Virginia, California, Florida, Wisconsin, etc… even cared…..no one commented, “liked” or supplied new data.  I felt invisible, so, I looked for a more meaningful exchange, one that would connect me to groups of “likeminded” facebookers, who all agreed upon the need to inform others of the perils of living on planet earth. I found a quaint group of women, about my age, they seemed to want what I wanted, so I joined up, and began to make positive comments about things;  I looked for and found, inspirational leaders across the planet (past and present) who have fought the good fight. Still, not much action, not near as much as say; that snake the girl from Texas killed while wearing her bright pink robe and house slippers. Or the girl from Texas, (again) who found a snake on her front porch (I tell you snakes are big news on facebook).  No, I was getting disillusioned, it was getting harder and harder to persuade myself that my time was being invested in anything worthwhile.  Along with that was the realization that I was on the “hook”, it was dreadful, because it mattered not whether or not facebook had new details, it became a mindless habit, almost like drugs, where I went there even though I knew it was for naught. I just went there. I opened my browser, I clicked on facebook, and I scanned the pages, never finding anything new, no new comments, no new post, no new “nothing”, just me scanning. I would spend hours doing nothing and being there.

I am a photographer

I am not a writer, a poet, or a great thinker, I am not even a very good activist (unless you consider a couch potato surfer one) I am not a lot of things, but I am a good picture taker. I enjoy it, I have time for it, and I stick with it. That is what I love, and what I need to be spending my valued time on. Life is a gift, we are only here such a short time, we are given this time and none other, (that we know for sure of) and we have one moment to make it worthwhile. I intend upon keeping my thoughts focused upon that reality. I am sure I can contribute to life in the area of photographs, because at the end of the day, I can look back, see them and feel good.

Facebook?

Let me just say this, I will not delete my account, (not right now anyway) because if I go to Arkansas in June, I will use it to communicate with a few folks whom I want to visit in real life. Using facebook that way is going to be an asset, not a habit. Life will continue on facebook without me, but my life without facebook will just get better. I have already started learning a new photo editor called Fluidmask 3, it is hard to use, but only because I have to learn how, then it is super easy. I have another new editor called Piknic, I am having a blast with it too. I have also decided to check out Tia Chi, it is amazing.

Life is abundantly springing forward all the time, sitting and stuck online with an application developed by a teenage techie is not what I had imagined for myself at sixty. I don’t know what I imagined, even though I still have great dreams of that home on top of the mountains, but that is another blog. I smile and laugh today, facebook is no longer holding me hostage, for I have taken back my precious moment. Love and Light….Namaste

So how do I spend my days? Other than writing about the perils of  being on facebook….. Well, here is a little of what I like in “real life”.

I still comment on Current.com and spend time on the sharpeiforums.com, I still follow Monsanto’s dirty deeds and find time to dislike societies failure in caring for the planet. However, none of that is taking away my life, it fits into it and I can function outside of the online community. I enjoy watching movies, reading books, walking my shar pei, Apple, traveling and interacting with real flesh and blood people.  I am sure I am leaving out a few things, but life is not empty, and my glass is half full.